In class, we have been doing a cold task to find out things we already know our cold task is based on a narrative. this is a copy of what I did in 30 minutes. We are also learning to self-assess our work so we can improve on our work.
Orientation
Once upon a time, a particularly terrifying time, Emily an 11-year-old girl was with her dad and Jimmy, my cousin. We were out in ruakaka on a very big boat about to go snorkeling with the fish. We were doing this for me and Jimmy's birthday because we are only 2 weeks apart.
Main event
We had to put our snorkeling gear on and the captain said there would be zero sharks in the water which made us very excited, and then we were off. I dived in first then Jimmy then my dad. “I am going over there to look for some fish,” said dad. “Hey Jimmy we will go under on three,” I said “ok” Jimmy replied 1,2,3 and we were under. We had been underwater for a few minutes now and all of a sudden a shark appeared out of nowhere even though I clearly remember the captain saying there will be zero sharks in the water, but there it was in front of us “Jimmy” I said through my snorkel “slowly go up to the surface” I said “ok” Jimmy said so we're up at the top with a shark beneath us what are we going to do?
Once upon a time, a particularly terrifying time, Emily an 11-year-old girl was with her dad and Jimmy, my cousin. We were out in ruakaka on a very big boat about to go snorkeling with the fish. We were doing this for me and Jimmy's birthday because we are only 2 weeks apart.
Main event
We had to put our snorkeling gear on and the captain said there would be zero sharks in the water which made us very excited, and then we were off. I dived in first then Jimmy then my dad. “I am going over there to look for some fish,” said dad. “Hey Jimmy we will go under on three,” I said “ok” Jimmy replied 1,2,3 and we were under. We had been underwater for a few minutes now and all of a sudden a shark appeared out of nowhere even though I clearly remember the captain saying there will be zero sharks in the water, but there it was in front of us “Jimmy” I said through my snorkel “slowly go up to the surface” I said “ok” Jimmy said so we're up at the top with a shark beneath us what are we going to do?
There we were floating with a shark underneath us. When things couldn't get worse they left the boat thinking that everyone was on the boat even my dad was on the boat. Now me and Jimmy were in the middle of nowhere with a shark.
Hi Emily, you chose a great topic to write about. I found the introduction a bit confusing as you were changed from third to first person. You should choose one and stick with it. Another way to improve is to use ! for parts that have strong feelings. A shark!
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